And so that damned little brother of mine....

So those of you who have read this whole thing have I am sure noticed a change in the tone of my posts since the beginning. There has been some shit going on with my brother over the course of the last few weeks, months, years, decades...depends on how you want to look at it. Starting with the immediate...he knows how to push my buttons...period. He is very much like bio-dad in many ways. He is egocentric, narcissistic and he is always right. I love his kids. When my nephew Charlie was born on September 1, 2005, I was in the room. I helped coach Jessica (SIL) through labor. I watched him emerge into the world and cried when he didn't for the first 2-3 minutes and we thought he never would. I love him as though he were my own. My niece was born 1 year and 3 weeks later on September 21, 2006. They moved 8 hours away 3 months before Carole was born. But she is the sweetest, cuddliest, beautiful little girl. I love her like she was mine too. The part that makes me sad is that I am afraid they will never know me or I them because of these awful feeling between my brother and I. But, I got some great news today...my sister, Jenny is due in March! I AM GOING TO BE AN AUNTIE AGAIN!! She just got married on April 12 and I am so happy for her and Andrew. I have 2 nieces on Chris' side, Chelsey and Emma. But your brother's and sister's kids are just.....you know?