And so it feels like I must start with and so.....

There are a couple of other significant moments in my first 5 years that I think warrant mentioning simply because I think that they affected me in a major way. I am going to write about 2 of them now simply because they are very related. When I was about 4 years old, I was molested at the day care center that we attended. One of the workers, Rick, fondled me on more than one occasion. It's really weird because I'm not sure why I never told anyone until I was over the age of 25. He never threatened me, but I knew it was wrong and I thought that somehow I wold get into trouble for it. I thought that because I liked it I would be the one in trouble. The thing is, I have learned that a lot of kids who are violated feel this way. I mean...they are pleasurable sensations...but that doesn't make it right. He shouldn't have touched...I was a baby for all practical purposes for God's sake. I don't know his last name...if I did, I would be happy to let the world know. But I do not. I am fine telling all the details I do remember about him....because quite frankly if anyone else suffered because of him and reads this then they can know that they were not alone. His name was Rick and he was in his early to mid-20s in 1979-1980. He worked for about a year at the Frills and Freckles Daycare Center in Portland, Indiana. The center was attached to and run by the United Pentecostal Church on Elder St. I do not believe that he was a member of the church, just someone that the church was helping out by giving a job and a new start. That is my assumption because he lived out of his van that he parked in the alley between the church and the church's playground.

So, the second incident will require a little background story. By the time I am 5, bio-dad has visitation every other weekend. Shortly after he and Mom divorce he remarries. We are not present at the wedding, but we are shown pics! Whoopee! Wife #2, Beth is very sweet. She has a daughter, Stacy from a previous relationship. Bio-dad adopts Stacy...this info is not relevant to this revelation, but comes into play down the road so remember it! Beth becomes preggers but miscarries. I liked Beth, but all good things must come to an end. I don't recall how old I was but he married Wife #3 pretty soon after he left Beth. I can't remember #3's name. I know she was a nurse and she has a daughter who is 11 named Missy. This story is about Missy.

Missy loved to tell stories. Of course I believed her. I followed her everywhere. In retrospect...I feel sorry for Missy too. I think that she must have been molested at some point. She didn't seem to have a problem messing with me. Every time I was there. Of course I was probably 4 or 5 and again...if I tell...I will get into trouble. I don't blame her...I think she was a troubled kid too. This all happened after the daycare bit. They didn't happen at the same time, but one right after the other.

I have to mention...when we were at bio-dad's house...if anything happened, I was the one who got in trouble. It seems like Tommy (my brother if I haven't mentioned that before) was the golden child. I know he was little, but give me a break! It was almost like bio-dad felt guilty, if that's possible, about leaving before he was even born. What-fucking-ever. You know I suppose it could have been that I look like my Mom....except for the naturally curly hair and the dimples in chin and cheeks ( those came from bio-dad) and little Tommy Angel (barf,barf, gag, gag) is the spitting image of good old bio-dad. Anyhow by age five and following a traumatic experience...my visits with bio-dad end. The traumatic experience is that he didn't bring us home after our weekend and kept us for a whole nother week. There was no agreement...he just didn't bring us back. That kind of did me in. Bye-bye asshole!