And so I continue to screw things up...

I really feel like I am screwing p my kids . I try and I try. I just don't know how to do better....or more or less...or anything. I am back on the antidepressants. They just don't seem to be helping much. I am misserable and I feel like I am poisoning everyone else around me. I know that I am mentally unhealthy. I know that I am a bit unstable. I was trying to decide today whether to use a knife or pills. I couldn't decide....so I didn't do anything. Of course doing nothing is what I am best at. Doing nothing is all I do....that is unless I am yelling, screaming and cursing. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME? WHY CAN'T I BE HAPPY?